Kindergarten - The Untold Truth.

When you're a new mom and you gaze lovingly into your newborns eyes the last thing you think about is school. It's light years away and you and your baby are blissfully happy. Then they turn 2. And then 3, 4 and 5. And suddenly you find yourself sitting on the floor rocking back and forth while holding a wine glass (or box of wine, whichever you prefer) dreaming of the days when you can take that sweet little baby of yours to school and regain some sanity. All you can think is of the glorious free time you'll have and of all the things you can accomplish while you're sweet little darling is off learning in the hands of the most capable teacher ever. You may even get to sit!

Then the first day of Kindergarten starts. You're inexplicably sad. You cry. And why? You're little one(s) have grown, your sweet baby whom you could never imagine even being apart from for even the tiniest of seconds has just walked away from you into a room where you won't be and will probably never ever hear about the things that actually go on. For a moment you have to hold yourself back from grabbing your child under your arm and booking it out the door in a mad dash to keep your "baby" a baby for ever.

You can't wait to hear everyday how your child's(ren) day was. You're sure it's great and slowly your genius is going to start reading. You're sure they're making tons of friends and having lots of fun in their new world. Because really, it's Kindergarten.

Then your child comes home with a red slip, or 7. They won't shut up in class long enough for the teacher to speak. Or has repeatedly corrected the teacher on her writing. Or maybe, just maybe your lovely sweet little baby who is clearly a genius sat in the corner and broke every single pencil your teacher had on her desk.

Then come the e-mails. Yes, welcome to 2010, your childs teacher now has a Facebook account and e-mails you instead of actually talking face to face. You can't actually see the Facebook account but you know that there are pictures of your childs nice Kindergarten teacher boozin' it up with her boobs out on there. Don't believe her conservative appearance at school, in real life she's a crazy woman that Kindergarten teacher. Those e-mails mention how your charming child still won't shut up. Still can't listen to directions and has only had 4 days in the ENTIRE school year where he/she behaved. Of those 4 days, all 4 were when he/she had the flu, and yes, thank you for sending that sweet darling to school so we could all catch the flu he/she didn't have any longer.

And the homework. Kindergarten. It's all color, cut and paste right? No. It's homework. Lots of homework. And that homework is the worst torture your child(ren) will ever have to endure. It will cause tears. Mostly theirs. More rocking while holding a glass of wine. And then eventually your sweet child whom won't shut up in class, can't sit still, and probably is the biggest know it all in the world, writes their first word. Sure, it's completely backwards (tac) but it's a word. Your child is once again a genius.

While my three (a know it all OCD perfectionist, a talker/destructive misbehave-er and a social butterfly with a lovely little sass mouth) have only been in school a month I can tell you it's nothing how I imagined from those days of rocking myself dreaming of the day's when I'd be getting mani-pedi's with the "girls" while my children gleefully learn at a rapid rate all the while being three of the teachers favorite children ever. Who knew it'd all be so different? You mothers that had gone before did. You all hid your tears so well and tried to smile and nod while we spoke our happy little delusions of what was to come when our sweet babies went to school.

And we, just like the mothers before us, will do the same.

What is it like now that your kids are in Kindergarten now? Why glorious, thanks for asking.